Only one King, per kingdom

Starting out always seems to be the hardest place. God has been nudging me to pass on the truths I have learned as a parent. Part of me feels that I should wait til my children are totally raised and married before I share. But I do talk and meet with lots of parents who are dealing with issues I have survived. So I am going to make a 2008 commitment to at least once a month try and share an "empowering parent" thought or lesson. And please understand, I do not have all the answers, I have just survived the "teenage" years with my 1 of my own, still living through it with another and get to send the other teenagers I do life with home to their parents each week. This lesson below I observed and learned when my son was between the ages of 14 and 17. I call it "Only one King, per kingdom":


When my son was between the ages of 14-17, the testerone levels in my home were very high. For some reason, teenage boys feel the need to challenge the kingdom at this age. What they tend to forget is that in the home if there is a father present, he is the king. They will never have the throne in that kingdom. That is why they must go out and venture into the world and set up there own kingdom. There were many times that my son and husband would meet each other with puffed out chests each demanding the role of king. What my son got to learn early on was that his father would always win and remain king. Corey had this unrealistic strength (and immature stupidity) that made him feel like he had a right and ability to challenge the king. My husband on the other hand could not understand why his once loving, sensitive son would feel the need to even attempt to take on his dad. I usually felt like the referee. I saw both of them become people they really did not want to emulate. It brought the worse out in both. I would take Corey to the side and let him know that he may not always agree with his dad and I, but God asks him to honor us. He could one day go out and set up his own kingdom with his own set of rules, but that would never happen here. And no matter how big or how old he got, his father would always be his father. My lesson in all this: Support my husband as the authority in the home, be the reasonable voice to both dad and son, pray for both, and help my son understand that yes he was becoming a MAN, but he was not the Man of this house.
I know there are many homes that do have a father present and this means a whole different set of obstacles. I feel that is why boys tend to try and prove their independence and
masculinity in social environments. Sports are a good way of release, going to the gym, having them find something they are good at, getting a job, a place to call their own. Something they can be proud they have accomplished. Knowing they have a Heavenly Father who is proud of them. I think they evaluate their manhood against the role model of thier dad and really all they are trying to say is, Dad, are you proud of the man that I am becoming? We need as parents to work real hard to give positive reinforcement to our teenagers, especially from dads!
Note: Since Corey has left and gone into the real world, his relationship with his father is moving from dad as authority to dad as friend. Corey has to now realize God is his ultimate authority. I think as parents that is one of our main jobs, leading them from our arms into God's arms!